Thursday, May 6, 2010

Are gnomes evil?

Well? Are they? Yes. Quite simply....gnomes are definitely evil. And this is how I know.

First, they are very short. As we know, there was a study written many years ago by a brilliant scientist and philosopher, Sir Randolph of Newman. After months of exhaustive research, Sir Randolph came up with some very interesting conclusions. In reference to gnomes:

They got little hands Little eyes
They walk around Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

This very clearly demonstrates the perverse little abominations that gnomes are.
Sir Randal then continues...

They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time

It's now very clear that through his studies, Sir Randolph has revealed that gnomes are the real scourge upon our world. Once punted, they should be consumed (or weighed down and placed in a very deep body of water) immediately.

Some observations I have made in my travels. Gnomes waddle. Skunks also waddle. Skunks are smelly and bad. Therefore gnomes are also smelly and bad. Sarah Palin (of Stormwind...) has a high pitched, highly irritating voice. Sarah Palin (of Stormwind) is bad. Gnomes have high pitched, highly irritating voices. Therefore, gnomes are are bad. Gnomes shift around alot on their feet as the stand. This is a sign of sneakiness. They are hiding something.

Now that we have established how horrible gnomes are, let me clarify one thing. They are delicious. Please do not be confused on this point. Gnomes are not good alive, but quite fantastic when thoroughly dead (and cooked...or raw if that's your thing).

Pro Tip: When preparing gnome, try using a spice rub. Kneading the meat once you've covered it with your rub allows the spices to work into the flesh and softens it up as well. Let it sit for at least 30 minutes with the rub as you knead intermittently. Enjoy!


  1. Eversor! /sigh

    My cute gnome lock Kimchee is going to have to post a rebuttal I thinks.

  2. Well, to be honest I am considering placing you on my "Gnomes that I think are probably pretty ok especially since they have cute food names" list. Would that make things better?