Friday, March 5, 2010


So, on to a totally non-WoW-related posting. As none of you know, I work in occupational medicine. Basically that means I work for a company and I make sure our employees are safe and healthy. I'm locked away in my office/exam room all day with a line of guys outside waiting to come in and see me. And yes, I said guys. About 95% of my patients are men (just the nature of the job positions that I monitor). So what has 4 years of doing physical on mostly men taught me? A few things. For one, I am, comparitively, remarkably clean and well-groomed ( and I really had no idea until I worked here). Another thing I wife is incredibly lucky. No, not because I'm something great, but rather I am not horrible. From what I can tell, most men are stinky, rude, strange and to be quite honest unfit for breeding. This leads me to the inevitable question. How then is human life to continue? I can only hypothesize here. My theory is that there is some sort of cerebral shut-off that women have that literally makes them unable to see men for what they are. Somehow it prevents women from smelling, seeing and hearing the various offensive habits/behaviors that should theoretically send any sane woman sprinting at top speed in the opposite direction. Now let's assume this is true. Women have some sort of cut-off switch genetically wired into their brains, an ape sub-routine (heh heh heh). Is it just human females? Do other animals require this same switch? Are male rhino's horribly stinky (well, more than the females anyway)? Are male wolves not prone to regular grooming? Do male iguanas intentioanlly do things to infuriate the ladies (okay, that one was a stretch)? So to the ladies. I am not talking about your current bf's or fiance's or hubbies, cuz of course they are just dreamy (yeah right!). The fact of the matter is that numbers don't lie. Most the guys I see are stinky and dirty and it's not the job. They represent a wide range of guys from white to blue collar, educated to minimally functional. Now, the disclaimer. I don't see enough female patients to make a similar comparison, but percentage-wise, the females I see are not even close in stinkiness, dirtiness or need-to-do-laundry-and-bathiness. Ladies, are men as disgusting as they seem? I am reminded of the part in "Mulan" where she ends up in the guys camp and can't believe how gross they are. And yes, if you're wondering I just finished doing physicals for a particularly craptastic group of guys. And again yes, most of them were married with kids. Wow.... am I glad I like women....phew!

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